Thoughts

1st of all, I wanna apologise to
Sam and Josh for making them wait
and not appearing for discussion
I also wanna apologise to my FYP
grpmates for not concentrating on my job

After a chat with Jesslyn last night
I found out that a lot of things I said were
from the my bottom of heart

I realised that in life
I have lost out a lot

In the eyes of impression
my impression has been of
the Lao-Da, the Boss, the sensible
Big Brother, the Da-gege

Mature, knowledgable, giving politically
correct advice, lending a listening ear,
giving comforting replies and answers

Maybe I'm boring, I ask ppl not to
do insensible stuff like going clubbing
and gettting laid, I ask ppl not to wake up
at 2 or 3pm and waste their entire morning,
I ask them not to watch senseless tv at 3am,
I ask them to sleep enough, eat healthy, go exercise
and so on and much more.

So much so that my impression is of a person
who is concern to the point of being naggy, not exciting,
doesnt lead a daredevil life, stay at home study, do
mundane stuff and blah blah blah

I go round telling ppl that the girl is cute
That chick is hot
She is cuter/prettier/taller than you
You come round telling me that the
other guy is nicer/taller/handsom-er than me
Ya I realise that I dare say this
Not because I fancy the girl or what
But its because thats conversation to talk about
However, in the eyes of others,
Yong Jun is a big bad wolf who likes to look
at pretty gers and act as a Lao-Ti-Go

Sometimes you nv realise that
why every topic LYJ has a view on it
Its not I act smart try to chap 1 leg
Its becuz I really know the content
and can hold my conversation on that
particular topic

She tell me a view on the clubbing incident
And I realised what you say is what your
perception of me
Withheld, not daring, not chiongster
NOT THAT KIND OF GUY


But lets say if the grp of us get into fights
Who is gonna be the one who steps up and
go to the opposite and settle this thing?
Me or You?

You been in a fight with 20+ ppl before?
You heard of stories of ppl calling each other
for reinforcement and with parangs and stuff
Ya I have been in fights and see this kind of stuff before

So you think your kind of guy will save you
In times of danger and what he is gonna be the
knight in shining armour coming round on his
white glittering house?

I made promises that I will be there
in times when you need me
How many times I'm there when you need me?
How many times were you there when I needed you?
You think its hocus-pocus that
Yong Jun is a good friend who is always there
for help/advice/a pillar of strength/a shoulder to lean on?
Well, if you never bother to realise or you are taking
things for granted or even taking me for granted
I made the damn effort to be there
Its like you are coming in from the West Coast back home
to where the harbour of safe haven is
But actually on your way home to this safe haven
LYJ is actually not at home
However, once he realised that you needed him
He makes the effort to put aside his own personal
matters and rush back to the safe haven to be
there before you reach so that you can always count
on him

You think promises are easy to keep
once they are made?
Sometimes I even wonder why I say such
politically correct statements like 'Count on me!'
or 'No worries man!'
At the end of the day, I realised that ppl are
relieved to hear such a statement coming from
a 'reliable' friend
At this point of time, I'm already more than contented
to have ppl who think they can count on me

I don calculate all these small details with you
not becuz I nv realise it
Its becuz if I say all these, it would affect
the frenships all of us have
If the day we come to bring all these
dirty clothing out to dry
Then its the day whereby I feel
there's no return in the frenship

But have you even realise all these
tiny weeny little details?
They DO affect my feelings

You wanna say I'm stingy or wat
I'm fine with it
When you call me go outings which
money need to be spend
Am I ALWAYS there?
You wanna say I'm not spontaneous
I'm so ON that my attendance rate
is 110%
Extra 10% for being co-org or main org
When you are not coming due to
personal matters, I don force you
However, once I have some personal matters
Like being down and out and nothing to do
with free time or freedom or free will
A little bit of care and concern on the reason
of me lacking attendance is not shown
when just a lil bit would cheer me up

Comparing lifes of others
you tell me how exciting can you life get?
Going clubbing?
Teaching tuition?
Working partime?
Going movies?
Playing computer games?
Reading books?
You wanna name more than you got listed here?

Fantasy vs. reality

Fantasy: Everyone says LYJ is obsessed with Felicia Chin
Everyone says LYJ is gonna marry/date/jio
a girl like Felicia Chin
With her face, with her hair, her height, her voice
even her name
When LYJ takes a pic with her
When LYJ watches her show
When LYJ buys her magazines
When LYJ talks about her
Ppl come to believe that the girl LYJ likes
is ONLY Felicia Chin
Yes I admit I like her
Tell me you don like her if you are a guy
Or you like Fiona, Jeanette, Fann
Or you like Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise,
Josh Harnett or Tay Ping Hui
Everybody like a handsome guy and a
pretty girl

Reality: LYJ nv looks at a ger in the same
way he feels about Felicia
He knows its impossible
Its illogical
Its even...fantastical....
He thinks more on feelings and emotions
Rather than just the pretty face
He looks at personal star qualities
Not just a pretty face
Call me superficial or what
But you dono me no shit

Fantasy: LYJ likes a Hayabusa for a bike
He wants a Merc SLR McLaren for a car
He wants a house on the seaside

Reality: LYJ drives a 200c Phantom
His family cant afford a car
He lives in his HDB unit

BUT
I am contented with what I have
I can differentiate fantasy and reality
But can you tell me you can differentiate me?
Tell me you know this about me...

My rating in the eyes of friends plummet
like stock values crashing when oil barrel
hits a record high of US$200+++

Its so bad that I didnt realise
That I fail to realise
Until like reality hit

But is there any1 who can be
my Boss/Lao-Da/Big Brother/Da-gege
instead?

I hang out with company with various age groups
Most are older
When we are together
Ppl take care of me
They ask me to be careful
They don hold my hands when I cross the roads
But they watch traffic for me
They tell me to avoid trouble
They offer me drinks and food
They help me BBQ stuff
Even though we don talk bout personal stuff
But I feel protected, cared for, security

I could use such a situation
of ppl taking care of me
Letting me know I'm protected and
concernd and cared for..
Just like how i cared for my friends

Often reality and fantasy is mixed up
The line is blurred and ppl are confused

To me
I have gained plenty of experience
I know how to deal with ppl
You can say my temper is bad
I gt a short fuse
I have a low boiling points
All these I admit
I admit so much that I think I cant do anything
about it at this point of time
But I see solutions to my temper issue
I'm finding ways to curb it
This...this...demonic evil monster within me

But when it comes down to one on one
mano on mano
I can handle most ppl in the most
approriate manner

Not everything has to do with academic grades
Its not about paperchase
Its not about money and status
And definitely not about 1st class honours
Its more on relationships
How you handle ppl
Being streets smart is wiser than being book smart
Having high IQ doesnt mean you got high EQ
EQ is emotional quotient
Ppl are around you
But grades wont be with you when you die

With age comes maturity
With maturity comes wisdom
The sad thing in life is this phenomenon
occurs too slowly in life
Have maturity and wisdom caught up with me
too fast?

When I'm 19, I wanna die while playing basketball
When I'm 25, I don wanna die in the industrial
When I'm 35, I wanna die as a Police Officer while catching robbers
When I'm 65, I wanna die as a grandfather, sitting in my rattan chair
flipping through my photograph albums, reliving memories of ytdyear

Everyone can have a off day
I have a lousy face with a lousy attitude
You think I'm unhappy
You think I'm angry
So thats no positive emotions for me?

I'm emo now too
Aiya. Fuck it lah..